'You shouldn't be going back to work that soon, or ever'
Genuinely something that was said with regards to my going back to work after my baby is born. As a woman I apparently ought to pack in any and all activities that don't revolve around the development of my newborn human...forget about you know, money, bills, keeping a roof over my baby's head or acting as a role model, no no, that all has to go now I've brought life into the world.
'Well that'll have to stop'
Getting my hair cut? Eyebrows shaped? Oh no that'll have to stop...for some reason. I'm of course quite aware of the work it's going to take in caring for and raising a tiny human, I am also of course quite aware of how exhausting the process will be, however I ALSO know it has taken two to create this human and I have the utmost confidence that I won't be alone and not everything in life has to halt.
'You're going to breastfeed right?'
Sort of leading with your own opinions there I see. Maybe? Who knows what's going to be best for my baby, if she is anything like her mother she'll be raised solely on a diet of doughnuts and melted cheese and if anything like her dad then pizza and McDonalds it shall be. But if I'm honest what I'm really trying to say is... it's nunyabusiness.
'You've not got much of a bump' / 'Wow your bump is HUGE'
Ah yes I forgot, as soon as I peed on that pregnancy test all of those months ago I SUDDENLY thought it was okay for strangers to comment on my size - way to go personality transplant - you cretin!
'Why are you so tired / sick'
You know...if you've never been through it, just please don't ask a pregnant woman this.
'Oh well...you can always try for the next one'
Said after we told some folks that our baby was a girl (insert middle finger emoji right here)
*Bump touching of any kind without permission*
Fancy keeping those grabby, grabby hands of yours? Then off off off! I never have and never will be a touchy touchy person, even squeezing past people in the streets is enough to eek me out and send me into a spiralling rage so if you value those chubby digits I suggest you keep them to yourself.
Pregnant women go through a lot, pelvic exams, several blood tests and vaccinations that will leave you feeling like an overused pin cushion and let's not forget the squeezing of a rugby ball through a keyhole...but I'm betting the most irritating and painful part of pregnancy in particular is dealing with small minded individuals that only have enough of an IQ to let their mouths open and idiocies such as the above to fall right out.
Feel free to leave all of the idiocies you've been asked / heard through the grapevine in the comments below, come share them with me on Twitter or if you'd just like to hear my musings, rants and more visit me on Instagram and Bloglovin.
Until next time,
H.Elizabeth x
